a visit to my colombian dentist

since i am a ridiculously clever traveler, i thought i'd utilize cheap colombian dentists for a long overdue checkup/cleaning. only suckers pay those ridiculous american prices. the guy who runs my hostel claims that colombian denistry is cheap and of high quality.

so i find a nearby dental clinic. very pristine and professional looking. i try like crazy to get the two women working up front to quote me prices, but they wont. it seems like a pretty basic request, but they seem to be telling me that i must see a dentist first, and then they'd quote me prices based upon what he finds. like taking your car in for repairs, i suppose. i feel annoyed, but i decide i can live with that, though i still worry that some kind of consultation charge will be levied. they ask me to sit and wait a whole 5 minutes to see a dentist, given that i have no appointment and it's a saturday. so i sit down and watch the tv blasting the top 100 videos of the 80s on vh1. after brian ferry and sade and whitesnake and a few others i realize i am waiting a lot longer than 5 minutes. then some guy emerges from the back and starts chatting me up in perfect english. he says he's american, and that he was just there for a few fillings and a cleaning, and it only cost him $500. i feel my bowels begin to give way, but all he notices is my jaw dropping and eyes widening. "that's expensive", i say. "yeah it is," he says, "but think about it compared to home." well i had already, which is why i reacted the way i did, dumbass. we go back and forth like this. my travelers scam radar is on high alert. this feels like a confidence scheme. the trustworthy guy sets my price expectaions to something ridiculously high, then the dentist confirms what he says, or maybe even undercuts him slightly. yes this is how i think when i'm on the road--you have to. but i'm also thinking how ridiculous this idea is--this is obviously a big corporate chain dentist. anyway, the dentist finally calls me in, ending the argument. no english at all from him. he examines me in 2 minutes flat, and tells me i need the hardcore cleaning (which was to be expected--i have more tartar than teeth these days). we sit in front of a computer while he prices it out. comes out to be over $200 for the cleaning alone. i tell him he can get bent, and leave, trying to make out what video number 71 is on my way out. there is no charge for the exam. oh, and his exam yields no cavities, which makes me more likely to conclude it wasn't a scam. but can you tell if someone has cavities in a 2 minute exam without x-rays?

i talk to some british travelers in the evening and they confirm that british dentists give very short exams and rarely order x-rays, so my exam wasn't too absurd, and i can probably believe that i don't have cavities at least. therefore i must conclude that the real scam is the 40 years of american dentistry i have suffered though.

i currently put the chance of scam at my colombian dentist at about 9.3%.